Just this week, I witness another of my classmates leaving JC for poly.
She's e second one in my class.
And seriously, I envy her for being brave enough to leave at this time of the year.
I know that if I am to leave now, I would be able to breathe again, to feel alive again.
I would no longer feel as suffocated, no longer feel that tied down and bounded by something.
Yet, I can't really bear to leave, for several reasons.
First, it would greatly disappoint my parents and relatives.
And part of the reason why I am in a JC is also cause of them.
Second, the old and new friends that I have make in JC.
They're the people who's drving me insane but at the same time keeping me sane in JC.
Third, I am not prepared to embrace the uncertainity of the future if I am to drop out now and head to poly.
I have no idea if I am gonna be suited for the course, have no idea if I would really suit the poly lifestyle too.
Though I much much prefer poly life as it is much more free.
Do I follow my dreams or stay?

Dear mummy, I am sorry for scaring out the hell of you yesterday night.
I know it makes your heart break to see me like that for the 3rd or 4th time this year but I just cant help it.
I need to get it all out, or it would have drove me mad.
The tears that wouldn't stop ever since I reached home yesterday, the hiding in my room and all that stuff had make you thought that I was going crazy.
I am sorry.

I dreaded going to school, going to classes.
Going to classes and sitting through lessons after lessons scared the hell out of me.
Just the thought of it is making my tears flow again. Ohh man.
The endless tests, homework, project work, presentations...
When will this personal hell of mine end and when will I be able to get away from it?
Please, just let me end this once and for all.
I have enough.

But it looks like I will still have at least 1 more year of hell to go through before it ends.