Somehow, feeling quite down these days.
Don't really know e exact reason why though.
Ain't I weird?
Out of e blue, I start to question myself again.
My capabilities, abilities and so on and so forth.
People have pushed me on to greater height, saying that it's all for my own good.
And I've been climbing and climbing up to the peak, without any rest or time to reflect.
Time and time again, I am thrown into a situation where I have to lead, without any knowledge of how to.
Like the blind leading the blind.
I ask myself over and over again; what make others think that I can do it well enough?
And I've no answer for myself.
Are leaders born or made?
With no sense of direction, I continued to climb to the top, only to reach the peak.
And it all goes downhill from there.

Secondary 4; one of the most difficult and tiring period of my life.
SYF Chinese Dance.
'O' Levels.
Chairperson for 4E.
The most testing period for me.
I really wanted to do a good job for everything that was thrown to me.
Really.
But I didn't.
And to this day, I still blamed myself for not doing a better job at all of these during that one year.
For not being able to get a gold, to not doing as well as I thought I would, to not being able to unite the class.
It break my heart.
And the scar will remain and haunt me even after the memories have faded.
The year that I regretted the most, the 12 months of tears and sweat, I wished to turn back time to start all over again and to tell myself never to repeat the mistakes that I made that year, hoping that things would be better.
But I can't.
And till this day, when someone puts me in a position to lead others, I asked myself: What rights do you have? What makes you think that you can do it?
Yes, its my low self-esteem acting up again.
And I would not dare to lead anymore.

Silence is golden.